We are supposed to do what the Romans do when we are in Rome. I immigrated to America in the early 1990s and have been a naturalized U.S. citizen for nearly three decades so most people would expect me to have fully assimilated into American culture by now. For the most part, I have. But there are some aspects of my native Ghanaian culture that I preserve because I find them useful.
When I was growing up in Ghana, I never saw married couples walking for leisure, or for exercise, as many American couples do. It was a common practice though for men and their wives to walk together to farms. Because such travel was usually along narrow pathways through dense vegetation, side-by-side walking was impractical. Men typically walked in front of the women. Oftentimes, the men would be a few yards ahead. And almost always, both men and women carried baskets filled with produce on their heads when they were headed home from farms.
In most parts of the U.S., there are dedicated sidewalks that enable married couples to walk side-by-side. I don’t recall ever seeing an American couple out walking with either the man or woman ahead of their partner. It would be somewhat of a cultural taboo, especially if the man were the person in front. Most Americans would consider that disrespectful. The man in question would most likely be seen as a chauvinist.
For the benefit of my American readers who may not know, there are some national cultures in which husbands routinely walk in front of their wives, even when side-by-side walking is possible. It is regarded as a protective gesture and culturally preferred. The idea is that a man would confront any danger that lies ahead and shield the woman from it.
An American man, whose wife is also American, recently wrote about his tendency to drift ahead of his spouse when they are out walking. He said his wife complains about it. The story reminded me of my own “ungentlemanly” habit when my wife and I go anywhere on foot.
We were both born in Ghana. There is a vast difference however, in how each of us grew up. I spent most of my boyhood years on my father’s farm in a remote village. The farm was in a jungle that teemed with deadly snakes, including cobras, vipers and black mambas. The serpents were never far away. Whenever we came across one, my brother and I sprinted through that treacherous terrain to escape. Also, during those early years, I always carried all sorts of heavy loads on my head while walking long distances to various places. Walking at leisure was therefore a luxury I could never afford. Because of those childhood experiences, I have become accustomed to moving at a fast pace.
My wife, in contrast, grew up in a big town and never worked on a farm. She never had to run away from danger the way I had to do innumerable times. Her childhood was certainly a lot more relaxed than mine was. That difference manifests itself whenever we walk somewhere.
We have different work schedules so we rarely walk together for exercise. But in other settings, such as when we are in an airport, I almost always drift quite a bit ahead. Personally, I think it is nicer when couples walk side-by-side. Therefore, I always try my best to slow down so we can keep level. But it never works. The only solution is for me to stop every couple of minutes for her to catch up.
I am sure some people have observed us in airports and elsewhere and have been offended by my “rude” behavior. If only they knew what caused my condition.